A tongue in cheek review of the news published this week regarding Wise County.
Normally posted every Sunday around 10:00 p.m.
(Note: To make sure you are receiving the most recent update, hold down the "Shift" key while you click on reload/refresh).
For the week ending 03/30/02:

The Story The Wise County Domestic Task Force throws a casino party. Some 600 people attended and $25,702 was raised.
News worthiness  (on a scale of 0 to 5) *
The Spin The success of the program prompted consideration of a new slogan: "Stop Domestic Violence - Become Addicted to Gambling While Receiving Free Beer." However, it was quickly rejected.

The Story During spring break, two unnamed Bridgeport teens throw a container of beer out of their vehicle striking a Wise County Sheriff's deputy's car. 
News worthiness **
The Spin Why aren't you kids at South Padre Island doing something productive like slugging country and western stars?  (Obscure Pat Green reference). 

The Story Pastor Rusty Hedges of the First United Methodist Church in Decatur was reassigned to the United Methodist Church of Irving.
News worthiness **
The Spin We wonder why Methodists don't follow the Baptist tradition of allowing the preacher to choose when he wants to move on to a higher paying job higher calling.

The Story Jim Marrs, noted Wise County author on such subjects as the Kennedy assassination, UFOs, and a New World Order, spoke to South Wise County Chamber of Commerce. During his speech, he named three organizations that rule the world: "The Trilateral Commission, The Council on Foreign Relations and the Bilderbergers [who love Hillary Clinton]". 
News worthiness *
The Spin Please tell us that there was no visitor present who was contemplating bringing a business enterprise to the south part of the county. His report back to the board of directors would simply read: "Re: Chamber Of Commerce Meeting at Tater Junction. Summary: Koo Koo. Koo Koo."

The Story The Wise County Christian Academy receives notice to vacant their current building to make way for a new furniture store.
News worthiness *
The Spin "Happy Easter and thanks for educating our young,  but this county is in desperate need of couches."

Special Highly Technical Research Project to be Conducted Throughout 2002: 
 New This Week
Year To Date
Number of new births announced in the Wise County Messenger
Number of new births announced by parents with different surnames (or no father identified): 
2 (22%) 
40 (29%)

See something in the local papers that struck you funny?  Then suggest a topic for The Spin.

View Last week's issue.

© 2002 Wise County on the Web. Contents or HTML representation and Graphics are Copyright 2002, and may not be
copied or mirrored without prior written permission.