|The Story||Devon Energy buys Chief Oil for
$2.2 billion and then later announces net income of $700 million for
the first quarter of 2006.
|News worthiness (on a scale of 0 to 5)||**|
|The Spin||In other news, Devon
announced the new position of Triple Assistant Vice President In Charge
Of Handling More Money Than We Know What To Do With.
|The Spin||An Iraqi war veteran is arrested
in North Richland Hills after allegedly committing sexual assault in
Wise County. He was arrested with the help of federal marshals (during
the very flowery named roundup called "Operation Falcon II") after the
suspect "made some comments on the phone to a [Bridgeport officer] that
|The Spin||Bridgeport PD said in a
fictitious press release,"Let's
just say he said something about shotguns of mass destruction - we
didn't find any - but were hopeful that we will eventually discover
them in the bedroom closet. There's also a chance he moved those
weapons to an adjacent and friendly apartment prior to our invasion."
Norman writes a letter to the editor nicknaming Democrats as
"Kook-O-Crats." He then goes on to use that term a mind numbing 10
times in the very short letter.
|The Spin||We're not sure what the
letter was about because we came down with a serious case of Tired Head.
|The Story||The local Republican party issues
a statement calling illegal immigrants "criminals" while the Wise
Republican Women plan to meet Monday night with the Texas Minutemen - a
private group that engages in border enforcement.
|The Spin||Asked whether the local
Republican group will permanently boycott any of the restaurants that
shut down during Monday's "A Day Without Immigrants" protest (such as
Dos Chili's), the party issued a statement that said, "Heck, no. We
like fajitas too much."
|The Spin||Wise County Park opens a 5,480
feet walking trail. that "makes a loop and winds through creek and
||A free bag of minnows will
be awarded to anyone that can navigate the trail without being
assaulted and/or not hearing an F bomb.