|The Story||Harvey Joe Hanson receives a 75
year sentence for attempted capital murder which means he will not be
eligible for parole until he is 82. (The victim, who had an "on again,
off again" relationship with Hanson, received "cuts on her wrist and
abrasions on her neck".)
|News worthiness (on a scale of 0 to 5)||****|
|The Spin||And in other news, the
jurors announced they were in a really bad mood. "And let me tell
you, I was thinking of a sentence of about five years but then it
dawned on me that I'm making $10 a day. Heck, my Christian charity went
right out the window at that point," said one ficticious juror.
|The Story||Charles Wilhite writes a
Letter to the Editor reflecting on his years as County Judge. He
recalled a young man who was charged with marijuana possession but
Wilhite decided "to make his punishment as light as possible." The man
eventually turned out fine and thanked Wilhite several years later.
|The Spin||Too bad this was before the
War on Drugs. We missed out on a perfectly good chance to ruin a kid's
|The Story||Justice of the Peace C.D. Archer
rules the State failed to prove its case and order almost all the of
allegedly malnourished horses returned to her.
|The Spin||Mighty big huevos for a justice of the peace (especially
with Fox 4 News circling like a vulture).
|The Story||Archer's decision leads to an
onslaught of Letters to the Editor suggesting that Archer is suffering
from "low blood sugar", calling his ruling an "abomination", and
claiming we need a "hanging judge" like a state district judge in
|The Spin||A human being can be
bludgeoned to death and no one bats an eye. Mistreat a horse or a
Dallas Zoo gorilla and people go nuts.
|The Story||Wise County residents go crazy
buying lottery tickets for a chance to win $145 million.
|The Spin||One unidentified and
extremely fictitious resident said, "Hey, Jim Bob, my cousin, got
struck by lightening a couple of years ago. What were the odds of that
happening? A hundred to one or something like that? And I ain't even
been struck by lightening so I'm feeling pretty lucky of gettin' all
the numbers right. That makes sense, right?"