A tongue in cheek review of the news published this week regarding Wise County.
Normally posted every Sunday around 10:00 p.m.
(Note: To make sure you are receiving the most recent update, hold down the "Shift" key while you click on reload/refresh).
For the week ending 09/20/02:

The Story Outrage exists in the Messenger's Letters to the Editor as IHOP's mascot named "Charlie, the Chocolate Chip Pancake" is allegedly assaulted by three kids with a stick and, moments later, three adults with a coke can.
News worthiness  (on a scale of 0 to 5) **
The Spin We are not giggling about this story. Really. We promise. Really. 

The Story A Rhome man, Kevin Wells, is allegedly stabbed by Rhome resident Allen Kunard after an "altercation over cigarettes".
News worthiness ***
The Spin The Surgeon General was apparently right about that "hazardous to your health" warning.

The Story Catherine Crisp complained about the salt in her well water at By Well Estates in Rhome which prompted the water provider, Aqua Source, to take action. Crisp said, 'The field test guy told me that anything below 200 [milligrams/liter] you couldn't taste. I made him eat one of my ice cubes and he said he had a slight salty taste . . . I made him finish it and he said he did have a salt taste in his mouth."
News worthiness *
The Spin Why do we have this image of her holding him down with her hands covering his mouth as he desperately tries to spit the ice cube out?

The Story A report released to the Decatur School Board reveals that in the last failed bond election only 17% of the electorate turned out and the largest voting block was in the 61 to 65 age category.
News worthiness *
The Spin Let's see . . . how did the 61 to 65 age group vote considering the fact they are the most financially conservative and have no kids in school?

The Story As homecoming season hits town, the Messenger prints an article on the crazy world of mums.  One florist said, "[We] had one mother who came in and wanted a garter for her 5-month-old son with all the bells and trinkets imaginable." 
News worthiness *
The Spin Son? Garter? Call CPS! Call CPS!

Special Highly Technical Research Project to be Conducted Throughout 2002: 
 New This Week
Year To Date
Number of new births announced in the Wise County Messenger
Number of new births announced by parents with different surnames (or no father identified): 
6 (26%) 
127 (32%)

See something in the local papers that struck you funny?  Then suggest a topic for The Spin.

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