| The Story | Skateboarders are now banned
from the courthouse square in Decatur. |
| News worthiness (on a scale of 0 to 5) | * |
| The Spin | "This is so crazy that I'm calling moveon.org," said one skater boy. "They can charge us with a crime for just exercising our constitutional right to pursue happiness and catch some air? This is outrageous, egregious, and preposterous." |
| The Story | In an incredibly slow news week,
the Messenger runs an
article on "old-time beautician" Rosa Wilson. "The smell of
permanent solution hits as you walk through the door of the small rock
building." |
| News worthiness | * |
| The Spin | Sorry, we just had a
flashback. There is no worse of an odor than that of "permanent
solution." |
| The Spin | Wise County will establish a Teen
Court for first time teen offenders charged with Class C misdemeanors. |
| News worthiness | ** |
| The Spin | The first set of teens
were very confused by the concept that the government actually had to prove
the charge that was made against them. One kid charged with
Driving While Being Considered a Punk By The Cops said "Uh, the
skater boy down the street told me that you're guilty if you were put
on trial. This stuff is so, like, confusing." |
| The Spin | A bridge on 718 (which is widely
known as connecting Newark to Tater Junction) will be repaired causing
the highway to be shut down "for most of next year". |
| News worthiness | ** |
| The Spin | For most of the year?
What is this? The Dallas
High Five project? |
| The Story | The Salvation Army is
recruiting Bells Ringers for its annual fund raising at businesses in
Decatur, most notably, Walmart. |
| News worthiness | * |
| The Spin | "We
are also recruiting homeless people as well," said on fictitious
Salvation Army spokesman. "We realize that most people will chose a
different entrance if they see us to avoid feeling guilt for not
putting any money in
the bell ringer's pot. So we'll station a desperate homeless looking
person begging at the other entrance. That way, we'll get more traffic
at the bell ringer's entrance. It's a path of least resistance sort of
thing. Merry Christmas." |